13.9.07

Ci-gît Behrami...

SUISSE - JAPON 3-4 (2-0)

Ah j'étais parti plein d'espoirs pour ce match... Avec une bonne nouvelle dès la fin du week-end : la blessure de Degen. Finis les crochets inutiles, les montées maladroites et les centres dans les tribunes. Valon Behrami avait enfin l'opportunité de renvoyer définitivement Degen sur le banc sans même que j'aie à expliquer au roi de la simulation que ce n'était plus possible. Après une première mi-temps plutôt réussie qui a vu Magnin tromper un gardien japonais les chaussures pleines de plomb et les deux pieds coulés dans le béton, et qui a vu Blaise fêter son retour en fabriquant et en transformant un penalty, ben j'étais plutôt positif !

J'étais même bouillant sur le banc. Je peux te dire que Mimi, Bubu et moi on y croyait... J'ai même dit à Mimi : «Je te laisse la théorie à la mi-temps, motive-les, on a les moyens d’en mettre 5 ou 6 ce soir !» C'est sûrement là que j'ai fait ma première erreur... Tout excité, Mimi est parti dans une enflammée dont il a le secret : «Bon les gars, là on mène 2-0, mais attention c’est des Japonais en face ! Les Nippons c’est comme le wasabi : ça n’a l’air de rien mais c’est très fort ! Et puis les Japs, c’est des kamikazes, alors vous les attendez dans votre camp, vous restez discrets, et dès qu’ils attaquent vous réagissez comme si vous étiez face à une assiette de sushis : vous les bouffez tout crus !!!» Les joueurs pouffaient de rire, il était impossible de rester sérieux face à de telles âneries... Le pire c’est que Mimi y croyait, il m’a avoué par la suite qu’il avait acheté un bouquin de «How to manage and motivate your team» écrit par Philipp Brugisser... C’est aussi Mimi qui a décidé de sortir Ludo à la mi-temps, pourtant meilleur homme sur le terrain, en m’assurant : «Fais moi confiance Köbi, on sort Ludo et on laisse Valon, je sens que Ludo fatigue et que Behrami va nous faire une grande seconde période !» Quel nez ce Mimi... Y’a pas à dire, je comprends ceux qui doutent de sa capacité à prendre ma succession.

Tu connais la suite, Behrami a non seulement bouffé sa chance, mais il s'est en plus grillé pour l'Euro 2008. Ça m'embête, mais honnêtement que faire d'une soi-disant star qui se fait prendre deux fois comme un junior F et qui fait une corde à linge digne du plus grand catcheur de l'histoire, suivi d'un plaquage digne d'un Black dans ses propres seize mètres... Bref, merci et bravo Valon, autant tu avais marqué un goal importantissime contre la Turquie, autant tu nous as fusillé mardi soir ! L'arbitre n’avait pas sifflé la fin du match que Degen me courrait après : «C'est bon Köbi, je ne suis plus blessé, je veux rejouer, faire des crochets et centrer...» Bref, je crois que mon latéral droit sera Degen à l’Euro, je n’ai plus le choix, le cauchemar quoi.

Il y a encore énormément de boulot pour ne pas être ridicules à l’Euro, mais j'y crois à cette bande de chèvres. Ils sont capables de tout ! La concurrence est très forte, et c'est exactement ce qu'il me faut pour motiver les mecs et trouver les bonnes opportunités. Je le dis haut et fort. Tous les journalistes sont venus me faire chier quand on a gagné contre les Pays-Bas... Un soi-disant bon match, une soi-disant grande performance. Honnêtement, les Pays-Bas étaient aussi motivés à jouer qu'une bande de jeunes à aller à la messe. Moi je m'en fous, ce qui compte c'est la concurrence, les tests. On ne gagnera peut-être plus un match avant l'Euro, on perdre peut-être 3-0 contre l’Autriche mais je vous promets que le jour J on sera prêts !

Et à part ça vous avez vu ? La France a perdu contre l'Ecosse ! Ben autant vous dire que j'ai fait péter le Rimus hier soir ! Non pas que je n'aime pas les Français, c'est juste que Domenech est le mec le plus prétentieux, le plus con et le plus antipathique qu'il m'ait été donné de rencontrer ! Bref, si tu me lis Domenech, sache que rien ne me fait plus plaisir que de voir la France perdre. Et pis entre nous soit dit, ce serait plus sympa de voir débarquer en Suisse 40'000 supporters écossais en kilt, la cornemuse sur le dos et le pack de bières dans la main, que 10'000 pseudo supporters français, avec leur coq à la con, leurs chants pourris et leur tête à claque, non ?

57 commentaires:

Anonyme a dit…

30000 % d'accord avec toi pour les français..vive l'Ecosse

Anonyme a dit…

Ton passage sur Mimi qui décide de sortir Ludo et garder Behrami m'a fait mourir de rire !!


Continue comme sa c'est vraiment énorme.

Anonyme a dit…

Pauvre Köbi. T'as vraiment des soucis.
Mais fais jouer Lichtsteiner aussi.

Anonyme a dit…

reeassaie quand meme behrami. il etait pas dans son bon jour.

Unknown a dit…

décidemment, les Français prennent cher par ici.

Je suis relativement d'accord avec la description du supporter moyen, mais pourquoi (et c'est une vraie question ) y a-t'il une telle animosité envers les Francais ?

Ce n'est probablement pas l'endroit pour poser cette question, mais je suis qd meme curieux ... désolé !

Anonyme a dit…

C'est assez difficiles d'identifier la raison de cette animosité mais on peut relever certains facteurs:

un des facteurs les plus importants est sans aucun doute la victoire en coupe du monde 98, après cette victoire, il y a eu une telle prise de tête... c'était devenus insupportable de parler foot avec un fan de l'équipe de France.
Lorsque la France a débarqué en 2002 on aurait crus qu'ils avaient déjà gagné avant le premier match. (puis après on sait ce qui c'est passé. MDR !)

Comme on capte vos chaînes télévisée et qu'on parle la même langue, on a la "chance" de pouvoir entendre vos commentateurs faire les coqs dès qu'il s'agit de sport et faut dire que c'est plutôt... exaspérent dirons-nous.


Dans le genre exaspérent, c'est aussi le besoin de se trouver des excuses à deux balles lorsqu'il y a un mauvais résultat. (Genre si un club français perd à l'extérieur le commentateur n'oublie jamais de préciser qu'il y a beaucoup plus de pression quand on joue dehors, mais par contre on entend jamais ce commentaire dans la situations inverse.)

Faut aussi reconnaitre que les footix Français n'arrètent pas de nous tendre des perches pour qu'on se foute de leurs gueules.

Un ptit exemple du mondial:

avant que la France ne gagne son premier match face au Togo et se qualifie pour les 8ème, il n'y avait presque pas de fans Français dans les stades et la plupart des Français suivaient le consensus comme quoi c'était sympa de taper sur l'équipe de France.
Puis la France a commencer à gagner, les Espgagnols ont insultés la "vieille" équipe de France et d'un coup, le coq s'est réveillé et tout les Français étaient à nouveau derrière les bleus.




Bref, il y encore beaucoup d'autres facteurs mais il ne faut pas oublier que ce n'est pas bien méchant. C'est juste que vus l'attitude des Français lorsqu'ils gagnent, on préfère les voir perdre. (c'est beaucoup plus drôle.)

Unknown a dit…

Ah mais sur ce point la, je suis totalement d'accord, le manque de culture sportive en France est affligeant, et l'exemple de la CdM de rugby en ce moment est ... insupportable :)

Pour ce qui concerne les vannes entre voisins pour les resultats sportifs, c'est cool, mais je ressens une réelle animosité ici en Suisse, qui ressemble fort à une généralisation des Francais, réduits au gros supporter (celui trimballe son coq et regarde Jean-Pierre Pernault), et c'est evidemment completement penible

Désolé d'avoir débordé sur du hors sportif, mais j'ai réagi "vivement" car je préfère grandement l'humour un peu plus fin qu'on lit souvent en ces lieux.

Merci pour ces très bons articles et Hop Suisse pour l'été prochain :)

Anonyme a dit…

Pauvre Köbi, à chaque fois qu'on a l'impression d'être sur la bonne y faut que quelque chose de pire t'arrive....

Mais bon on commence à connaitre la chanson sur les équipes qui organisent un tel tournoi...

Comment tu fais pour pas péter un cable alors que de ton propre aveux, ce sera impossible d'évaluer le niveau réel de la Nati avant le début de la compét ??

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oulaaaah! c est tellement drole, je suis explosé de rire!!!! aaaaaah Degen!!! sa tete de dernier de classe de la promotion 1956-1957, ses coups de pieds aux etoiles..pfiuuuuu!!! genial!!! continue ton blog Köbi!!!!

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